Schaefer: On Ministry, Family Life, and the Future

One-On-One with Frank Schaefer:
On Ministry, Family Life, and the Future
By Jesse N. Love

Editor’s note: The views presented in this article intended to help nurture current conversations within the church. Respectfully, if you are interested in sharing your views related to this article, please contact channels@pnwumc.org with your input.

During its Open House event, Woodland Park United Methodist Church in Seattle welcomed defrocked pastor Frank Schaefer to meet and greet with people in the Seattle community. Schaefer has been making his rounds visiting different churches around the country, after being put on trial in November 2013. He was charged and sentenced for disobeying the Book of Discipline by presiding over the same-sex marriage of his son Tim and his partner back in 2007.

At the Open House, Schaefer met with several PNW clergy and laity to break bread and to simply talk and learn from each other about the current state of the Church, family matters, and what the future holds for a defrocked pastor starting his ministerial career over again.

“We enjoy travelling and meeting new people, bringing God’s message of love and acceptance. We’re not used to this ‘lifestyle’,” explains Schaefer with a smile. Schaefer and his wife, Brigitte both entertained questions from attendees. They have been going around the country sharing how their lives have been impacted – but also how grateful they are – because of the support they have received for standing by their son, Tim.

Schaefer shares that his experience reverberates with a lot of people since it is a story about family values. What if this happened to you as a parent of a gay son or daughter? Would you support your child in this way?

I had an opportunity to meet one-on-one with Frank Schaefer during this Open House to have a conversation about what life has been like from the moment he presided over his son’s wedding to his trial and to the aftermath with hope for the future.

Jesse N. Love: What was it like when your son had first asked you to marry him and his partner?

Frank Schaefer: It was a joy. I felt honored that he would ask me. For pastors, if their children ask them to perform weddings, or baptisms for their children or grandchildren, it shows there is a connection. It shows you did your job in teaching them right as a parent and it makes you proud as a dad. I felt honored, proud and I felt joy.

JL: When your son Tim asked you to marry him and his partner, did you have any expectations there would be this big ripple effect within the denomination?

FS: No, I had no idea it would lead to what it did. What I did was an act of love. Because of the back story of my son – struggling with sexual identity, being told by his own church that he was a freak, and outside of the grace of God by being a practicing homosexual, it caused him to spin into a depression to the point he was thinking of taking his own life.

My wife and I affirmed him and told him that we believe you are created in the image of God and you are beautiful as a gay man. When he asked about performing the wedding, there was no way I would say no to him. It would have negated all of those affirmations.

There comes a time in a person’s life when you have to walk the walk and not just talk the talk; that was my moment. I did it gladly and I did it out of love for him. Yes, I totally believe what I’ve said all these years – that you are created in the image of God and you have the same rights as anyone else in the Church as a Christian.

JL: From your supporters, opposition, and those in the middle of the LGBT conversation, what kind of feedback have you gotten from each of these groups?

FS: First off, I have received a lot of support from the LGBT supporters. It’s been a healing support for my family, my son, Tim and myself. I have gotten a lot of flack from those who oppose LGBT rights – hate mail, threats, etc. But, I am encouraged about those in the middle.

Even in my own church in Lebanon, Pa., there were a number of folks who were not for gay rights, yet said to me, “It was your son, you had to do this for your son.” A few had said if I had not done this for my son, he wouldn’t respect me as a parent or a pastor…and this is coming from a person who is not for gay rights. This is the reaction that I am getting from the middle – as they are struggling with the issue. They are so conservative and still do not affirm gay rights, at least not all the way.

My story really connects with them, and it’s really changing people. People are starting to think about this story in a different way because a lot of them are parents. They are questioning, “What would I have done if my son or daughter was gay and came to me…” A lot of people answering that question are in the affirmative saying, “I think I would have done the same thing.” I think that is the effect I am seeing – how my story has affected people.

JL: While in Seattle, what will you preach about at Queen Anne UMC?

FS: I’m going to talk about the story of the blind man who Jesus healed. A man was on the street and Jesus put mud over is eyes and healed him. Of course, that became a serious issue for the religious leadership, the Pharisees, and this happened on the Sabbath.

All they saw was that Jesus broke the law of the Sabbath and they did not celebrate the healing that Jesus performed. I am going to talk about the tension we are all standing in sometimes – the covenant, the law, compassion and love. I will try to weave my story into this incredible account by saying I have stood in that tension between covenant – upholding the discipline of the United Methodist Church, and compassion and love.

I’ll try to share how it was for me and how I came to this point where I had to follow my heart. I had to come and err on the side of love, even though I was violating the covenant at the same time. One thing that Jesus taught us and showed us – if you are in that tension, and it comes to a decision you have to make between covenant and love, you need to follow your heart and love has to prevail. That is going to be my message tomorrow.

JL: How soon will we know about your future career plans?

FS: I made a commitment to Bishop Carcaño (of the California-Pacific Conference) to go through the process and as you know the process of appointment can be complicated and take time. I don’t know when there will be official news.

Right now, I’m in the process and being considered for a church. I also have to go through the whole ordination process and start from the bottom, doing the interview and psychological process again. It could be a couple of months before I get definite news.

JL: How have your kids and their partners responded to everything that has happened over the past few months?

FS: My son Tim took the brunt of emotional stress because he had to testify and take the stand during my trial. It was a very emotional moment for him to retell his story and sort of relive it as he shared it. He was supported as well by his own pastor who is a gay man. This pastor, Will Green, travelled all the way to Pennsylvania from Hall, Massachusetts for the trial during both days and supported him. I think Tim ended up in a really good place – even though all of this was stressful and emotionally hard – but hard to a point where he is even considering becoming a minister.

JL: What are your immediate plans for while in the Pacific Northwest?

FS: I want to go to as many places I can. I’m very curious to learn all about Seattle and hopefully do some site seeing and relax on Whidbey Island and do some awesome nature walks. My wife and I both like to walk, we like nature.

When my credentials were taken from the church I really thought I was done. It was like God was really affirming my calling. As a minister, I have never really quit preaching ministry. I always say, for a defrocked minister, I have a lot of preaching to do.

I do realize that I have an opportunity to speak in a way most pastors can’t…even if they are in a congregation that might be reconciling. Right now I have the freedom to speak out on those issues that are somewhat controversial in some churches.

It feels good to be a voice for our LGBT children and people in the church, partially because I had to suppress that side in me all these years working in a very conservative church. I feel like I ‘came out’ in a sense, with what I truly believe on this issue.

After the trial, I received many invitations to speak in different churches, mostly United Methodist Churches, and most of those churches are Reconciling churches. Some are not, and some are on the way. It has been so encouraging to share my story and to preach on the unconditional love and amazing grace of God that accepts all His children because he made us – everywhere in the country.

Right now, I’m carrying the baton to really reach out to the larger Church with a message and a plea to include all of God’s children and to stop harming God’s beloved children. It feels good to do that right now.