Musings & Younger Perspectives:
Love Notes
By Jesse N. Love
I have been thinking a lot about love, lately – the romantic, lovey-dovey kind. Much of my thoughts presented here are just from different corners of my heart and mind, but to the tune of scripture. Enjoy my humble musings.
I: LOVE LOOKS EASY, BUT IS VERY DIFFICULT
Last month, I travelled back to Northern California to witness the wedding of my cousin Melissa and my new cousin-in-law, Ming. It was a wonderful ceremony and I was even invited to take part as a coin bearer – yes, me, a 35 year-old coin bearer. I enjoy going back home to see family and friends I love.
The Rev. Geoff Baraan shared the good news during the ceremony. He featured some interesting metaphors centered on love and marriage.
- He likened marriage to using a pair of chopsticks. He pulled out a pair of chopsticks from under his sleeve and shared “It may look easy, but for some, it can be difficult.”
- He also went on to share how marriage is like a dollar bill. If ripped in half, its value isn’t the same than it staying whole.
- Baraan then shared that loving someone has its challenges: “You must love them, IN SPITE OF ___________ (fill in the blank: i.e. their constant snoring, their taste in music, the way they smell…you get the point).”
The service began, of course, with a reading of The Gift of Love from Paul in the book of I Corinthians 13: 4-7 (NRSV):
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Paul’s words speak of how we are to all love each other. They are very beautiful in their simplicity. Patience. Kindness. No arrogance. No rudeness. But as human beings, it’s very easy to be impatient, be unkind, and to be rude to one another. Despite this, Paul reminds us that the love we have for one another must persevere.
II: MANY THINGS END, EXCEPT FOR LOVE
From I Corinthians 13: 8-10
Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end.
Love never ends, but relationships do. In the last few years, I’ve had to bear the news of relationships ending in my family/friend/professional circles. It’s sad hearing people close to you – people who’ve promised themselves to each other, are no longer together. Some are my peers who started out in whirlwind friendships and eventually ended their relationships; others were family members in long-lasting romances – but with irreconcilable differences that couldn’t be resolved through church or other counseling. It is difficult work in maintaining a loving relationship – even if one DOES have the right partner.
For me, post-relationship time was a hazy period. After uncoupling from a six-year relationship with my then girlfriend, I spent three years being single – deflating, backtracking, and contemplating.
During this time, it was my relationship with God that mattered the most. On one of my darker nights, I remember lying in bed asking, “God, what do you want me to do?” What eventually came to me was the message, “Forgive our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” This simple nudge – of forgiving myself and my ex for the pain we put each other through – help put me back on track in finding peace.
Friendships can end, but in our brokenness, pain and sadness will end as well once we have dialog with God. Never ending is God’s love for us as we seek to find peace in life, with or without someone to share in the journey.
III: AN END TO CHILDISH WAYS
From I Corinthians 13: 11
When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways.
When I was younger, being in love was so exciting! When love is new, you begin ‘clicking’ with love songs on iTunes, sunshine can be seen during downpours, and you begin irrationally wishing there were 28 hours in a day to spend talking, walking, or being close with that special someone. See, young people have it good. They have more opportunities to meet different people because they are constantly on the move – from class-to-class, school-to-school, from one social event to the next.
As a young person emeritus, love for me is still exciting and fun. Thanks to the benefit of age, I’m able to make slightly better decisions in the love department. I’m less impulsive and my definition of beauty has matured. Through a combination of experiences, a person learns more about his or herself and what they like in terms of finding companionship. For me, spiritual awareness, cultural understanding, overall personality and intelligence are pretty important qualities I have come to appreciate in my mature, adult ways.
But for the adult crowd, it’s sometimes difficult to connect with the right people. This age group is generally in the same place for longer periods of time due to a career and family, so some effort has to be made in finding social situations with a good chance that compatible people are available to mingle with.
Even though values change from being a young person to an adult, growing up and having the right person beside you can be a wonderful and satisfying thing in your spiritual journey.
IV: FAITH, HOPE, and LOVE
I Corinthians 13: 12-13
For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.
In life, it’s a blessing to have role models – mentors you know who are doing something, or living life in a certain way that sets an example for what you want to do or how you want to be.
When I think of a long-lasting relationship, my first thought is of my parents, Arthur & Irma Love. My folks have been married for about 38 years. *applause* For me they are the epitome of ‘for richer or poorer, until death do us part’. For sure, my parents have been rich, been poor, and with a near-fatal accident involving my father and with my mom being a cancer survivor, my parents are still together – faith tested, hopeful for the future, loving each other, and encouraging family life for me.
Occasionally, I would get a glimpse of why they have stayed together. Despite minor differences, both of my parents have similar values – they care deeply about family, our ethnic heritage, and spiritual wellness. And, they laugh a lot, not making a big deal out of the small stuff in life. For sure, it is God who has blessed them with a great marriage, patience to raise two adult sons, and the liveliness to travel wherever they wish.
Love is a great thing to have and to share. It is also a challenge to maintain. One day, I would like to do as my parents have done: find love, have love endure, and have a future that is filled with blessings from God through loving relationships.
To my younger friends who may be reading this, in the spirit of Paul, I too hope for you to continue being faithful in your journey as you gain wisdom in finding peace and love.
Jesse N. Love serves as the print & publications manager for the PNWUMC.
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