Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,
over the man who carries out evil devices!
Psalm 37:3-7
By Rachael Phelps | Ministry Intern serving at Audubon Park UMC in Spokane, WA
We have all experienced what it is like to want something. Maybe we know the want of possessions, affirmation, relationships, or an envisioned future. We’ve known the ache of desire to the point of tears, with the near constant sting behind your eyes, feeling utterly helpless in a sea of yearning. We have known disappointments, shattered expectations, and dreams torn to pieces.
That feeling is what makes Psalm 37 so appealing.
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
The phrase, “the desires of your heart” is one I’ve heard many times in many facets, and has troubled me just as often. At face value, it sounds a little bit odd to me. It brings to mind a reward system that is too good to be true; a reward system that’s inconsistent with the sovereign, grace-filled God who we know and read about. It can easily be made to read, “If I do all the right things, say all the right things, and play my cards just right, God will give me what I want.” This questionable theology speaks of a shallow relationship between parent and child, where we are able to manipulate God into an extra helping of dessert, despite God knowing that what is best for us is to eat our vegetables.
Jesus taught us to pray, “Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done.”
How do I discern what is God’s will and what is simply my own? Why would God give me the desires of my heart, when what my heart tends to want are the things that will make me look good, feel good, and serve my own selfish ambitions?
This passage is a beautiful piece of scripture, meant to tell us something deeper about the God who knows us inside and out, who knit us together, knows every thought we’ve ever had, and is as close as the breath we breathe. The psalmist charges us to trust, submit our ways to, and be still before God.
When Jesus prays in the Garden of Gethsemane just prior to his arrest, he asks God for a different way, but then submits himself to God’s will, ending his prayer by saying “Yet not as I will, but as you will.” Jesus knelt before God and named the desire of his heart, but the story goes in another direction. It wasn’t because God ignored him, nor because God didn’t hear him. It was because God operates on a divine level beyond what we can fathom.
I’m finding myself reflecting on this balance because I know what I want, and I want it terribly. I have a sense of the direction to which I’m being called, and I want to go there. I am fighting the temptation to remain within the confines of my narrow, human perspective, which causes me to dwell on the things that could go wrong or differently than what I envision.
It takes work, but when I truly experience the divine is when I realize that I am not divine. When I hold on to dreams and desires so tightly that I cannot let go of the control, it comes from a place of thinking that I am the one who holds the power to make them come to fruition. Certainly the work must be done on my part; phone calls must be made, applications must be completed and sent, and assistance from other people must be asked for. But once we have done all that we can do, when it is out of our hands, we must remind ourselves run again into our Creator’s embrace and trust that we have been in God’s hands from the beginning, and regardless of outcome, we will not fall. We rely on the greatest desire that our hearts know, which is to experience the fullness of God’s grace and live the holy and whole lives which we were created for. Perhaps our will and God’s will are not always so different from one another.
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
For me, this looks like my Sunday and Wednesday evenings. I am part of a group of musicians who lead worship at a contemporary evening worship service that Audubon Park UMC started last fall. It is a small but growing community, that comes together to sing, hear a message, and experience different types of prayer. During Sunday evening service and Wednesday evening rehearsal, I find myself experiencing the grace of God and feeling the joy of joining my voice with my sisters and brothers in Christ and simply singing praises. Whether it is just the six of us, or we are leading others in worship, it is a special and sacred time, when I am blessed to experience that deepest yearning.
Rachael Phelps is a 24 year-old graduate of Central Washington University, where she studied Psychology and Religious Studies. She was born and raised in Seattle, Washington and has been a member of the United Methodist Church since 2006. She is passionate about the work of the church, as it seeks to further God’s kingdom on earth. She loves singing, playing the guitar, Zumba, musicals, and drinking coffee.
