Nurturing Elders and Others:
If you want to be taken seriously…
By the Rev. Paul Graves | Photo by Jesse N. Love
I usually try to not be this blunt, so pardon my clumsy attempt: If you want to be taken seriously as an older adult, live life as seriously as you can!
I don’t mean going around with a gloomy look on your face or a grouchy attitude in your heart. In part, I mean this: be serious about who you are as a person of value, about those values you care and think deeply about, and even about laughing when you take life too seriously.
To be taken seriously, I suggest you consider a few eye-opening words: Spizzerinctum and Sprezzatura! Did I mention them before? I don’t recall. But if I did, you may have forgotten them already anyway.
“Spizzerinctum” came to my vocabulary via our former bishop, Cal McConnell. It’s a word from the Appalachian culture. It means “spunk, boldness, confidence.” Introducing the word to us 20+ years ago, Bishop McConnell spoke of it as “holy boldness”. It’s a great word.
I first saw “Sprezzatura” in Leonard Sweet’s book The Gospel According to Starbucks. It’s an Italian word that refers to “contradiction” and “paradox”. It too is a fun word that catches our attention, but hopefully helps us remember that contradiction and paradox are part of daily life.
Each of us needs some degree of Spizzerinctum and Sprezzatura to push us to not settle for old answers and old attitudes when our souls need a healthy dusting off and refreshing. So let me ask you something: When you were a child, did you have siblings? If so, were “hand-me-downs” a part of your growing up? Whether you passed them along, received them, or simply watched the fabric-swap, what was that like for you? I can’t relate to this at all because I was an only child. But I’ve heard stories of hand-me-downs from other people, and some of stories were pretty honest in terms of how frustrated recipients felt getting clothes worn by an older sibling. I’ve wondered recently about people getting “hand-me-down” religious beliefs too.
We can all relate to that to some degree. Our religious upbringing — whether from childhood or as an older adult — begins with others sharing their faith stories and passing along doctrines or beliefs they believe as the bedrock of Christian living.
And yet, what if those bedrock beliefs have only been handed down for generations without being dusted off and refreshed? (I heard the other day that bed mattresses double in weight over eight years due to dust mites and other very tiny things that accumulate in mattresses. Yuck!)
All things need dusting off, including our religious beliefs. But to do that usually requires Holy Boldness (Spizzerinctum) and a willingness to embrace Contradictions and Paradox (Sprezzatura) on our spirit journeys.
Boldness is needed to step out and confront contradictions that didn’t exist when we “first believed”. Healthy faith is a journey from childhood faith through adolescent rebellion to distracted adulthood and on toward an elderhood where we have the time to integrate life with our beliefs.
I’m able and more willing to express thoughts about spirituality today that my soul likely had when I was child. But back then, I didn’t have the words to express them or felt safe enough to say them out loud. And the ironic thing is that today, some people are taking me more seriously.
You have so much more substance deep inside than you may give yourself credit for having. Claim some Spizzerinctum and Sprezzatura for yourself. You just may discover a deeper awareness of God along your new way!
