Portrait of artist Henry Moore, courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.
Nurturing Elders and Others:
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall
By the Rev. Paul Graves | Photo courtesy of Allan Warren, Wikimedia Commons
Right up to some months before he died at 91, my dad would occasionally reflect (no pun intended) on looking in the mirror and seeing himself as a much younger man. I can do the same with little encouragement. It’s likely you have a mirror that helps you fantasize too!
I was reminded of Dad’s mirror memory while reading a new and informative book on aging. “Disrupt Aging: A Bold New Path to Living Your Best Life at Every Age”, by AARP CEO Jo Ann Jenkins. In a section called “Act Your Age?”, Jenkins talks of a mini-dilemma many of us experience:
“When I was growing up it seemed like my parents were always telling me, ‘Jo Ann, act your age.’ Now, as a parent, my kids are telling me, ‘Mom, act YOUR age!’”
So what is age, really? I know it has to do with our chronological age, but only partly. Yet that “partly” is where we too frequently stop! At least we stop until we get older and realize that we may not “feel our age” (even if our bodies aren’t cooperating with our attitude).
That’s one reason why I focus my own attitude and much of my conversation about aging around being a “geezer-in-training.” When I found out that “geezer” began as an English (cockney) word about 1500 A.D. that meant “disguise”, I knew the cranky old geezer image was wrong.
For me, geezer describes an older adult young in spirit/attitude who lives in the disguise of gray hair and wrinkles! A geezer-in-training may have gray hair and wrinkles, but is still learning to live into his or her age with renewed passion, curiosity, imagination and hope.
We have a refrigerator magnet that has a photo of an older man trying to ride a tiny tricycle. The quote on the magnet is from Satchel Paige, Baseball Hall of Fame pitcher: “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?” Paige lived out his answer to that question.
After 20 years in the Negro Baseball League, he became a rookie pitcher in the Major Leagues at age 42. And still became a Hall of Fame player! His chronological age didn’t matter because he knew life was not determined by a calendar.
Disrupt Aging author Jo Ann Jenkins has some serious questions that mean to change our attitudes toward aging. Allow me to paraphrase: If you believed 50 was the peak of life and you went downhill from there (a horribly ageist stereotype!), does that mean you are really old if you are over 70?
Now a direct quote from her: “If you believe that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks (which isn’t even true for dogs), does that mean you stop learning when you think you’ve become an old dog? And at what age does that occur?” (p. 49)
And then an intrusive question for persons who bemoan their aging: “If you believe older people have nothing to look forward to, not to contribute, and are a burden on society, how are you going to act your age when you’re older?” (p. 49)
For me, a major part of being a geezer-in-aging is that I refuse to accept the stereotypes of ageism!
In a separate column about the humor of aging that I wrote for the Bonner County Daily Bee (Sandpoint, Idaho), I gave written permission for anyone who hears me tell an ageist joke to call me on it. The same offer applies to readers of this column.
There is some reality to the younger person we see in the mirror regardless of how old we get. That reality is measured deep inside, where our worth as a person is affirmed with every God-given breath we take. Happy breathing (even if that breathing may be labored)!
The Rev. Paul Graves serves as the chair for the Conference Council on Older Adults Ministries.
