Elders: Listen to Your Questions!

Nurturing Elders and Others:
Listen to Your Questions: Active Listening to Your Inner-Self
By The Rev. Paul Graves

Nearly four years ago, I began to verbalize a spiritual truism I had sensed for a long time: I ADMIT TO BEING PUZZLED BY PEOPLE WHO CLAIM – IN WORD OR ATTITUDE – TO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS.

I DON’T THINK THEY EVEN REALIZE THAT NO ONE EVEN HAS ALL THE ANSWERS!

Since that time, I have begun to realize another reality of the spiritual journey: THE MORE MATURE WE BECOME IN OUR SPIRITUAL GROWTH, THE MORE WE WILL REALIZE THAT OUR MOST IMPORTANT QUESTIONS DO NOT YET HAVE ANSWERS!

Allow me an example. On the day I write this reflection, I also conducted a memorial service for a woman who had been ill for a long time. Family members and friends shared memories during the service. A nephew even read a poem written by the woman only a few days before her death.

In the shared memories and in her poem, I heard very familiar statements of what they all expect heaven to be like. Their words and images would no doubt reflect some of your own beliefs and images. I certainly respect those beliefs and images. But I strongly suspect when it comes to an afterlife, there is much more than our “answers” settle for!

Yet it is often considered impolite, maybe even heretical, to ask the questions we may have about what happens after death. Other persons may not want their expectations challenged. After all, those expectations are based on scriptural images passed along for centuries. We can’t challenge them!

But wait! What will happen if we feel a challenge is in order? Will God somehow turn away from us? No. Will our pastor or other church members criticize us? Perhaps. But what if I have questions that churn inside my spirit?

Find a “safe” person to ask those questions to.

Are you familiar with the near-cliché called “active listening”? It usually means to pay close attention to what someone else is trying to tell you. But since you are the person you are always with, isn’t it a good idea to engage in some “active listening” to your inner-self?

That question does have a responsible answer: YES. To be truly active, listening to yourself needs to include the questions that you wrestle on a regular basis – questions that only seem safe with you.

Listen to those questions! For centuries, many wise spiritual teachers have affirmed those questions are the work of God’s Spirit within your spirit. If you cannot bring yourself to articulate your questions, please seek the courage to ask yourself this question: Why can’t you? It, too, is a spirit question!

Here are a few books that touch significantly on the importance of questions for productive spirit-growth. One book, “Living the Questions: The Wisdom of Progressive Christianity”, is particularly for persons who seek a more adventurous spirit journey. Its authors, David Felten and Jeff Procter-Murphy, have wonderful spiritual curiosities and imaginations that serve readers well as they look for questions that can feed most anyone’s spirit.

An exciting new book I just finished reading is “Permission Granted: Taking the Bible into Your Own Hands”. The author, Jennifer Grace Bird, has a Ph.D in biblical studies. She asks wonderfully provocative and permission-giving questions all through the book.

My third suggestion is a 2004 book by Sr. Joan Chittister, “Called to Question”. I actually found this at our local library’s monthly book sale. Maybe its original owner wasn’t a questioner like I am. Chittister shares many of the spirit-questions she has wrestled with since her earliest days as a 17-year-old Benedictine novice.

They’re questions that continue to get her into trouble with officials from the Roman Catholic Church because they are questions that challenge centuries-long Catholic traditions. I tend to agree with her challenges, so I think she is asking great questions!

Whatever questions are in your heart, they deserve an audience – particularly with you. Listen to those questions! Find someone with whom you can share those questions. Listen to that person’s questions. Together, they may bring new life to your spirit journeys.