Nurturing Elders and Others:
Lean to the Other Side!
By the Rev. Paul Graves
As a wood-worker, I make a pretty fair preacher! That’s to say, wood-working is not a skill I’ve ever developed. But a few months ago, I asked my good friend, Tom, if he would help me develop a few of those skills in his own workshop. He graciously agreed. In December, I took him at his word.
I had a project and goal in mind: I wanted to make wooden balance-toys for our son, daughter-in-law and our three grandchildren. They all have very busy lives, so I wanted to make a Christmas toy for each of them — to remind them that “balance” in their lives is a healthy goal to seek.
I chose to make my own version of a toy that Creative Playthings made around 1960. Tom and I created my version with laughter at my mistakes and his teaching skills. He taught me a good deal in our early December “toy-time”. We even made our own toys since our need for life-balance is ever-present.
As I write this column, it is only mid-December, so I don’t know how our kids will respond to my gift. But I do know the whole process has been a wonderful gift to me. I need regular reminding how easy it is to 1) get out of life-balance; and 2) to sometimes find new balance by simple adjustments to attitude and/or action.
Joan Chittister wrote a compelling book in 2007 called “Welcome to the Wisdom of the World and Its Meaning for You: Universal Spiritual Insights Distilled from Five Religious Traditions.” She explores common human questions and illustrates them with stories from Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism and Islam.
As she explores a question of life-balance, “What can I do when enough is enough?” Joan tells this Jewish tale (revised for this column):
Rabbi Israel was asked by his disciples, “Tell us, dear rabbi, how should we serve God?” So he told them a story of 2 friends who were accused of a crime and brought before the king. He wanted to show compassion for them, but couldn’t disregard a law.
His solution was to stretch a rope across a chasm, and each man was to walk that tight-rope, one after the other. Whoever reached the other side would be granted his life. The first friend got safely across.
“The other…cried to him: ‘Tell me, my friend, how did you manage to cross this terrible chasm on that thin and swaying rope?’ The first of the two prisoners called back: ‘I don’t know anything but this – whenever I felt myself toppling over to one side, I leaned to the other.’”. (p. 88, Chittister)
Joan continues her narrative: “The rabbi makes two points. First, no one solves the pressures of life simply by standing still. When life is off balance, the only way to stay on our feet is by moving in the other direction.
Second, any excess – leaning either entirely to the right or entirely to the left – will only damage us one way or another in the end…Doing more of the same or doing it faster – even in an attempt to end the pressure – only hastens the burnout or the breakdown.” (p. 88-89)
She then describes five attributes of what she calls the “spirituality of balance”: equilibrium, variety, self-awareness, re-creation and an appreciation of the value of imperfection. Space prohibits me from fleshing out those attributes. If you want to know more, I can pass that information on to you, or buy the book.
Each attribute reminds me of the toy-making process that my friend Tom and I engaged in. I learned something from each one, especially about the value of imperfection!
Whether our lives are stagnant or overwhelmed with activity, I suspect we older adults could always benefit from re-balancing something in our lives. Joan’s last sentence sums it up for me: “For the sake of our very souls, we must lean, lean, lean to the other side.”
