Is it difficult to be “Alive Inside”?
By The Rev. Paul Graves
I noticed a woman pushing her husband into a nursing home dining room. She maneuvered his wheelchair into the front row of the chairs set up for the worship service. I was substituting at this service for our pastor. The pianist was absent too, so we used a CD of traditional hymns we would sing along with.
The husband had some kind of advanced dementia. Her love for him was evident, but his ability to respond seemed very limited. His facial look was neutral. He hadn’t even tried to say anything to his wife. But that was about to change.
We had sung a few “oldie-moldies” and then began singing “Love Lifted Me”. As we began the chorus, the man’s eyes brightened, he turned to his wife, and he sang to her, “Love Lifted Me, Love Lifted Me…” It became a love song to his wife!
That moment happened about eight years ago. But I will never forget its impact on me. Beyond the sweetness of one man’s love serenade to his long-time wife, I learned something very important: never forget that someone with dementia is someone who is, in some way, still alive inside.
I was reminded of this sweet love-story a few weeks ago when I was introduced to a very important film documentary called “Alive Inside”. I want to encourage any reader of this blog to look for an opportunity to watch it — whether you have a loved one living with dementia or not!
“Alive Inside” is the documented story of countless persons living with dementia. They seemed to literally come alive when earphones were gently slipped on their heads and they could listen to the music that was part of their life experiences.
The DVD back cover describes the film as “a joyous cinematic exploration of music’s capacity to reawaken our souls and uncover the deepest parts of our humanity.” What a great reminder for us when we forget persons with dementia are still – first and foremost – persons!
One of the first persons I met in the film is Henry. When I first saw him, his head is almost on the table and he has trouble responding to the person working with him. Soon, some earphones are put on his head, and I could faintly hear ‘30’s or 40’s swing music coming from the iPod.
Within moments, he lifts his head, his eyes grow wide and alert, his arms swing in time to the music and he starts to sing! Then I hear him talking quite clearly and cogently to the person beside him. What a transformation! Even for a short time, he was able to enjoy some musical magic from long ago.
The film documents the transformation of other persons through simply listening to music. I saw the dramatic, heart-warming, joy-producing transformation of persons whose daily lives are usually imprisoned by their brain disease. But then music touches their humanity and they are Alive Inside.
There is much more to this documentary than simply showing how music revives persons with dementia. I learned more about brain science and what I’ll call the “music gene” in each of us. Even at 22 days, that gene begins to form in a fetus. Amazing!
Additionally, “Alive Inside” is a passionate advocacy film. It shows individuals and health-care groups raising both awareness and funds so that persons with dementia (and other brain disorders) can listen to their own, personalized iPod-generated music. And come alive again.
The man who started this very special effort is Dan Cohen. From a modest start, he established an advocacy group called Music and Memory. A quick look at their website, www.musicandmemory.org will tell you much more.
If you have someone in your life with dementia, consider discovering a delightful way to help that person, and yourself, become Alive Inside!
