A Lesson in Giving Up Control

If you don’t know me yet, let me introduce myself.

My name is Dana Lede, and I am a busy person.  I work on average 10 hours a day at my day job as a music teacher.  I am the lead for a Professional Learning Community at work.  I am also the chair of the Site-Centered Decision Making team, one of the main leadership teams at my school.  I am the president-elect for the Puget Sound Youth Wind Ensemble.  I am in charge of our regional Solo/Ensemble competition for middle school and high school students.  I am on the Board of Higher Education and Campus Ministries.  And I am on the Conference Council for Young Adult Ministries.

And I am a control freak.

Wow, I don’t think I realized just how much need I have for control until I put all that down to paper (so-to-speak).  I like being in control.  I mean come on, if I didn’t do it all, it wouldn’t get done…right?  I don’t like asking for help, and I don’t like receiving it when it’s offered.  And I really, really, really don’t like people making decisions thousands of miles away that will affect my community.

Unfortunately, that’s exactly what is going on right now in Florida.  People are making decisions…important decisions…that will affect all of us.  Now some of the legislation may not seem that important, but there are definitely some big issues this year.  Structural changes might not seem like they will affect us on a local church level, but I believe they will.  Sexuality and other Social Principle issues are huge.  These are both issues I feel very strongly about.  And yet it’s not me there debating and letting my voice be heard, it’s someone else.

Breathe, Dana.  Just breathe.  “Be still and know that I am God.”  Breathe.

Seriously.  It is really hard for me to give things like this up to God.  Does God really have a plan, and is this it?  For us to debate endlessly issues that cover the spectrum of our denomination?  I don’t know the answer to any of those questions.  But I do know there’s a reason I am drawn to the ‘methods’ of Methodism.  I can’t always make the decisions for everyone.  And really, that would be scary.  Imagine if a 29 year old like me, who can’t even balance a checkbook, was in charge of all our finances?  Or what if I could make all the decisions for music for the whole denomination?  Would we all be singing hymns, or contemporary music?  Bluegrass?  Jazz? (ooh that sounds exciting) Alternative? Though this is fun for me to fantasize, I’m sure I would not please everyone, or even a small portion.

Luckily, I don’t get to make decisions that affect everyone, and neither does any one person.  We make them as a group.  And I need to be okay with the decisions of our Pacific Northwest delegates.  Many I know, but some I do not.  Many may be the stereotypical ‘red-headed step-child’ others see our conference as, many may not.  I don’t know.  But I do have faith that the right people were prayerfully chosen to represent all of us.  And I have to believe that the decisions made, whether I agree with them or not, are made with care and prayer.  Because I know they will take as much care in their job as delegate as I would.

So now I sit back, check Twitter and Facebook, and learn the wonderful art of patience.  And each day that goes by during General Conference I learn to be less and less of a control freak.

Photo Credit: Control Freak by Flickr User dmdzine, Creative Commons